Positive Parenting is all about thinking of your role of parent with your children in a creative way. Working out why you wanted to become a parent and how your beliefs and expectations of parenthood can be analysed and configured to help you achieve the best outcomes for you and your children.
To support parents to act positively means helping them see that they and their children all deserve the greatest respect because as humans we depend on love and attention to make us grow and progress.
As adults, we have become used to the importance of treating our fellow workers and professionals well because good management is good business sense, but few of us realise that the techniques we use in the workplace with our colleagues work just as well with our children and partners.
For a start ask the question why you have chosen to have children? Sit with your partner and list your reasons, such as:
Without making value judgements, some of these reasons are more focused on your own emotional and social needs, than on the responsibilities of creating and sustaining everlasting relationships with the children you will produce. Nevertheless the ability to discuss these issues will help you develop awareness about how you see yourselves and the influence that you have on each other. Never forget that discussing does not need to become an argument and sharing views is constructive and helps you put priorities in order.
Depending on your value systems there is no right or wrong answer to the questions that you pose. What is essential is that you both believe that you can make a true commitment of time and energy to the children that you produce and bring up. That is the most effective baseline to develop a positive parenting approach. The preparation for having a baby once you become pregnant will occupy most of your time before the birth, so you may not have time to explore how you expect to manage your baby and discuss the strategies you will need to act consistently in your responses to the child.
For parents who are isolated and live a long way from their families, it can be very hard to establish a workable routine and to feel that you are doing the right thing. Of course, there are a series of useful books and websites that will support you through the first few weeks and the euphoria of having the baby will also give you the burst of strength to keep you happy and positive. However, as your life returns to normal, you may start to feel that you want better control over the time that you are devoting to your demanding baby. Positive parenting strategies will be instrumental in how you take your role of a parent forward.
By choosing to have children you are making them the centre of your lives for the foreseeable future – children, like puppies, are for life. You should enjoy your child and believe that she can represent the best you can offer from you and your partner – this will come to pass because children copy the adults who take care of them and strive to please them. Children are extremely sensitive from the early stages and even in the womb can be subject to upset from the feelings of stress that the mother may exhibit. Show you love and cherish your baby by caring for yourself and try to maintain a consistent level of contented mood and outlook on life’s daily challenges.
There is never too much love that you can offer to your child, as long as it is tempered with the knowledge that demonstrating love changes as children grow. What started as blowing raspberries on your baby’s tummy when you changed her nappy, should develop into cuddles, appropriate praise, showing interest and giving time to your child as she ages. This form of love gives your child the feeling of security, acceptance and safety that a family can provide. It will help build empathy and the personal qualities your child needs to develop resilience and be happy in wider social contexts and external relationships.
The moment your child is born, she will respond to the communication you offer and the stimulation that you promote will inspire the brain development that is required for her to grow and learn. Positive responses within all parenting routines are crucial to the successful development and good bonding. Talk with your partner and your baby naturally, using modulated tones of voice with your baby because she will respond to higher pitched as well as low pitched speech. Good communication is a cornerstone of positive parenting as it promotes the development of independence and confidence in the child. It also confirms that parents are interested in their child’s progress and provides the opportunity to make sure that the time spent together is worthwhile and consolidates the knowledge and cultural influences that you want to pass on to the next generation.
Babies and young children need consistent handling and regular routines so that they can feel the rhythm of the day and learn to fit into a system that meets their prime needs, as well as fulfils their emotional and social development.
Routines for feeding, sleeping and playing are the first expectations for new parents to put into place. As your child grows, she needs to experience consistent expectations for behaviour and see that caring adults are in tune with each other and have agreed responses to what she does. These agreed responses from parents are essential to stabilise the child’s emotional balance and impact on positive brain development.
Parents often become dissatisfied with themselves when they begin to think that they cannot control their children. It might be that this is in comparison with their friends or relatives or as a reaction from school or nursery staff. If you want to guide your children more effectively:
Providing children with the skills to perform practical tasks to work alongside you, will divert them from wanting to attract your attention by misbehaving. Happy and fulfilled parents will help their children grow up happy and fulfilled.
Resources from the wonderful Words Matter charity – please click HERE.
Lena Engel – Parenting Coach
Lena Engel is a parenting specialist with a long career in teaching and managing early years services in local authorities in London. She has counselling and management training, and expertise in the Triple P – Positive Parenting Programme to help parents enjoy their parenting experience.
Lena empowers parents to solve the tricky problems that sometimes come from managing children and supporting their emotional and social development. She offers practical strategies to help cope with difficult behaviour, as well as daily routines, such as weaning, eating, sleeping. Lena offers parents ideas for activities that will help children develop independence skills to prepare them for nursery and school. She also gives useful advice on finding childcare and choosing schools.
Lena has an extensive knowledge of education and will support parents through the process of meeting the needs of children with special educational needs, as well as the process of appeals to primary and secondary schools. She also provides specialised counselling support for separating and divorced parents who are trying to cope with the stress of new arrangements for children.
Lena empowers parents to feel confident in their interactions with headteachers, class teachers and nursery staff to achieve the best outcomes for their children.
She helps parents through difficult life experiences, and is able to be supportive and understanding in every parenting situation. Please do not hesitate to contact Lena if you need support at – [email protected]
Selection of Feedback Statements from Lena’s Parenting Clients
Lena could not have been any more helpful – fantastic advice and really put us at ease!
Lena really put my mind at ease about an issue which was causing me anxiety and interfering with my ability to work from home. Her practical solutions and suggestions already made a difference in just one day, and mean that I have more energy and mental bandwidth to focus on work.
7.7.2021
My consultant, Lena, was very knowledgeable and provided me with the information I never would have thought of as childcare beyond nursery is beyond my experience.
7.7.2021
Excellent service, warm and friendly, the expert understood my needs and provided valuable advice and useful strategies. I will be using this service again. Based on my experience today I will ensure that all my colleagues are aware of this facility and use it.
Thank you
15.7.2021
Thanks Lena – this is all great advice and we will work our way through the ideas.
I found it really valuable to talk to you and felt much more positive following our conversation.
I really appreciated it – thank you.
20.7.2021
Hi Lena
Thank you so much for your time and guidance yesterday. I have found it really useful and I’m feeling so much more positive.
Thanks also for the other advice in your email. I really like the idea of the photo book and my daughter loves looking at pictures of herself so I think she would love this J
27.7.2021
‘This is my second time speaking with Lena and I found her to be very helpful and encouraging providing great ideas for me to use going forward.’
‘This is an excellent resource that I have found very helpful. It is great to know that you can reach out and expert advice and times when you really need it. Its a wonderful service that I would highly recommend.’
25.6.2021
‘The expert went over and above with her advice. We always learn many new things about childcare and child education when we speak to Lena.’
25.6.2021
‘Dear Lena,
Thank you very much for the call last night and your advice – there is lots and lots to think about – even just having the tools and ideas on how to improve things and help her be more confident is immensely helpful. We will be trying out some of these straight away!
Thank you once again’
23.6.2021
‘Hi Lena,
I had my meeting with school today and it went well and I just want to thank you for your help.
I really appreciate your help and advice and was able to incorporate your suggestions in my meeting with school, and in how I approached the meeting.’
24.6.2021
‘Thank you so much for your help today.
Our conversation was really useful and the points below are really helpful
Thank you so much’
11.6.2021
‘Excellent service and support
I was given support I needed. It helped me to understand how I can improve communication with my children . It was really helpful to talk to someone independent and experience.’
8.6.2021
‘It’s the first time I’ve used this service and I was really impressed – my expert Lena was fantastic and also said i could ask for her help it required in future – so knowing I can speak to the same person is great. I would definitely recommend this service, we are very lucky to have it.’
I was feeling stressed because of family issues, which of course seeps into the work environment, especially when you are working from home as there’s no getting away. The expert gave me fantastic advice and I feel more at ease – thus it helps me concentrate on the work I have to do as my mind isn’t elsewhere.’
27.5.2021
‘I was really struggling with how to deal with my son’s behaviour and negative thoughts. I have come away feeling optimistic and with a clear way forward thank you
I was seriously considering taking a step back from work because I was struggling to manage challenges at home with my son. Access to expert guidance came at the perfect time and I already feel better able to deal with the challenges and more in control. I feel so fortunate to work for an organisation that provides access to these valuable services and help me as a “whole person”, not just as an employee.’ 25.5.2021
‘I’m very happy – it was quick and easy to arrange’
20.5.2021
‘Only that Lena, and the advice she gave, were both excellent. She listened to our problem, asked lots of questions and then proposed three “focus areas” where we might be able to change our approach. I’ll be honest, I was perhaps a bit skeptical, but these simple changes have had quite a dramatic impact. Many of the problems and issues we were having have stopped. Very impressive.
Having access to a service like this really helps. Working and parenting is hard and tiring! And the reality is that if things aren’t going so well at home, it has a negative impact at work. So having help and support to maintain a positive home life has big benefits when it comes to performance at work.’
7.5.2021
‘Practical and clear advise delivered well and with consideration for the information shared.’
5.5.2021
Thank you again Lena,
I really appreciate you listening and sharing advice to help ensure —— feels in control and independent at home and is less frustrated with her day to day routines. I’m looking forward to sharing your advice with my husband and implementing the recommendations over the coming weeks.
Thanks again
5.5.2021
‘Lena was amazing and helped with so much more than asked of at the beginning , all her tips are helping so much already can’t thank her enough 🙂
This service Is amazing and has helped so much with certain issues
Which helps me be more positive generally to be more productive with work and mum work juggle.’
2.5.2021
‘Very understanding great discussion and follow up email received which was very useful.
Insight into issues with school appeal.’
27.4.2021
‘I had en excellent consultant – Lena – who really helped me and I am following their recommendations.
My daughter started nursery and I was told that many babies have been taking a longer period to settle as they term them “covid” babies. I was told that one baby took 4 months! I was also not very happy with the support from the nursery in terms of informing / advising how the settling-in process is and my head was spinning as I am due to return to work in 3 weeks! I was panicking and was considering a nanny as well as additional childcare. I was strongly advised by the consultant not to mix the the two, and stick with the nursery! The consultant equipped me with how to politely put pressure on the nursery and not feel weak. I feel like I am back in control and will follow all of her recommendations. She also sent me a follow-up email immediately which was extremely helpful. I would recommend to any colleague new to the childcare works to speak to the consultant!’
27.4.2021
‘Lena Engel was great, she understood our family dynamics 15mins and we spent 45mins how to improve the family situation.
i have already recommended the service to my colleagues.’
6.4.2021
‘Lena put me at ease and gave me useful tips that I will start to implement in my parenting. She also confirmed that some things I was already doing is good. And gave helpful insights on how to do improve the parenting strategies I had already in place.
Thank you for helping defuse this stressful situation.’
1.4.2021
‘I just wanted to thank Lena for giving me some real life, helpful suggestions that I haven’t come across before. I feel confident to try them and reach out for further support if I need to.
I have already shared this with colleagues as I feel that parents don’t always have a lot of options to speak to anyone in this way unless it’s to a GP and don’t always want the formality of that.’
17.3.2021
‘We were really impressed with the service. The flexibility to speak in the evenings made this really easy to use. The consultant was excellent and so helpful. We got so much more support than we imagined we were going to get from the service. Thank you
Being able to access this service was such a valuable benefit to us. Balancing work and family life is always delicate and sometimes difficult to get right. Having concerns about your child can be really detrimental to this and being able to get support at a convenient time to us has taken away a lot of worries. The information we received is something which would have taken us a lot of time to research or we would have had to wait a long time for the advice through other channels such as the NHS or in our specific case private speech therapists or occupational therapists.’
17.3.2021
If you would like to contact Lena for one-on-one advice for children aged 0 – 19 years, please email her on [email protected]
