Parents often feel driven to their wits’ end by toddlers who behave unpredictably and lose control of themselves in a fit of temper. These episodes are commonly called temper tantrums and they usually cause a great deal of emotional distress to everyone involved. As parents are the adults in the relationship, they have to take responsobility for avoiding these stressful confrontations.

Usually, toddlers tantrum because they feel frustrated that they cannot do what they want or express what they feel. When adults understand how children experience these emotions, they can begin to find ways to tackle the problem.

Here are some simple solutions that can make a huge difference to your toddler. The over-riding message is to try to get toddlers to do things for themselves:

• When you want your toddler to wipe his face after eating, give him a warm damp cloth and let him use the cloth himself.
• Always get down to his level and talk quietly when you give instructions or what your toddler to do something specific.
• Similarly, if you are planning a walk to the park, make sure that you have everything placed within easy reach so that your toddler can fetch his own boots, coats and hats.
• Always talk about what you have planned long before you do it so that your toddler has time to think about what you are going to do together and encourage him to participate in this planning, coming up with ideas about what you might need to do.
• Encourage your toddler to make choices about how much he wants to eat at the dinner table. This can be done by suggesting that they help themselves from a central platter instead of dishing them up a plate of food. Make eating a social occasion so that your toddler doesn’t feel like the centre of attention. Respect his signs of fullness.
• Always give your toddler the opportunity to make choices from only two options, e.g., you can wear the yellow or the blue t-shirt, which one to you want to wear? By making simple decisions for himself he is learning to be empowered and to feel proud about making a choice.
• Make changing nappies, learning to use the potty or bath time fun by asking him to fetch nappies and creams, or the potty, or his pyjamas. Toddlers love the sense of achievement of being independent and following simple instructions.
• Most important of all praise your toddler when he does something right and try not to lose your temper when he does something you do not like. In fact, try to ignore or discuss unwanted behaviour.

There are many toddlers and children who do not have temper tantrums at all because they communicate their needs and have some control over what they want to do. So it is not necessarily a phase that all toddlers will go through! Be patient and take the time to understand what it feels like from their point of view.

Lena Engel – Parenting Coach

Lena Engel is a parenting specialist with a long career in teaching and managing early years services in local authorities in London. She has counselling and management training, and expertise in the Triple P – Positive Parenting Programme to help parents enjoy their parenting experience.

Lena empowers parents to solve the tricky problems that sometimes come from managing children and supporting their emotional and social development. She offers practical strategies to help cope with difficult behaviour, as well as daily routines, such as weaning, eating, sleeping. Lena offers parents ideas for activities that will help children develop independence skills to prepare them for nursery and school. She also gives useful advice on finding childcare and choosing schools.

Lena has an extensive knowledge of education and will support parents through the process of meeting the needs of children with special educational needs, as well as the process of appeals to primary and secondary schools. She also provides specialised counselling support for separating and divorced parents who are trying to cope with the stress of new arrangements for children.

Lena empowers parents to feel confident in their interactions with headteachers, class teachers and nursery staff to achieve the best outcomes for their children.

She helps parents through difficult life experiences, and is able to be supportive and understanding in every parenting situation. Please do not hesitate to contact Lena if you need support at – [email protected]

Selection of Feedback Statements from Lena’s Parenting Clients

Lena could not have been any more helpful – fantastic advice and really put us at ease!

Lena really put my mind at ease about an issue which was causing me anxiety and interfering with my ability to work from home. Her practical solutions and suggestions already made a difference in just one day, and mean that I have more energy and mental bandwidth to focus on work.

7.7.2021

My consultant, Lena, was very knowledgeable and provided me with the information I never would have thought of as childcare beyond nursery is beyond my experience.

7.7.2021

Excellent service, warm and friendly, the expert understood my needs and provided valuable advice and useful strategies. I will be using this service again. Based on my experience today I will ensure that all my colleagues are aware of this facility and use it.

Thank you

15.7.2021

Thanks Lena – this is all great advice and we will work our way through the ideas.

I found it really valuable to talk to you and felt much more positive following our conversation.

I really appreciated it – thank you.

20.7.2021

Hi Lena

Thank you so much for your time and guidance yesterday. I have found it really useful and I’m feeling so much more positive.

Thanks also for the other advice in your email. I really like the idea of the photo book and my daughter loves looking at pictures of herself so I think she would love this J

27.7.2021

‘This is my second time speaking with Lena and I found her to be very helpful and encouraging providing great ideas for me to use going forward.’

‘This is an excellent resource that I have found very helpful. It is great to know that you can reach out and expert advice and times when you really need it. Its a wonderful service that I would highly recommend.’

25.6.2021

‘The expert went over and above with her advice. We always learn many new things about childcare and child education when we speak to Lena.’

25.6.2021

‘Dear Lena,

Thank you very much for the call last night and your advice – there is lots and lots to think about – even just having the tools and ideas on how to improve things and help her be more confident is immensely helpful. We will be trying out some of these straight away!

Thank you once again’

23.6.2021

‘Hi Lena,

I had my meeting with school today and it went well and I just want to thank you for your help.

I really appreciate your help and advice and was able to incorporate your suggestions in my meeting with school, and in how I approached the meeting.’

24.6.2021

‘Thank you so much for your help today.

Our conversation was really useful and the points below are really helpful

Thank you so much’

11.6.2021

‘Excellent service and support

I was given support I needed. It helped me to understand how I can improve communication with my children . It was really helpful to talk to someone independent and experience.’

8.6.2021

‘It’s the first time I’ve used this service and I was really impressed – my expert Lena was fantastic and also said i could ask for her help it required in future – so knowing I can speak to the same person is great. I would definitely recommend this service, we are very lucky to have it.’

I was feeling stressed because of family issues, which of course seeps into the work environment, especially when you are working from home as there’s no getting away. The expert gave me fantastic advice and I feel more at ease – thus it helps me concentrate on the work I have to do as my mind isn’t elsewhere.’

27.5.2021

‘I was really struggling with how to deal with my son’s behaviour and negative thoughts. I have come away feeling optimistic and with a clear way forward thank you

I was seriously considering taking a step back from work because I was struggling to manage challenges at home with my son. Access to expert guidance came at the perfect time and I already feel better able to deal with the challenges and more in control. I feel so fortunate to work for an organisation that provides access to these valuable services and help me as a “whole person”, not just as an employee.’ 25.5.2021

‘I’m very happy – it was quick and easy to arrange’

20.5.2021

‘Only that Lena, and the advice she gave, were both excellent. She listened to our problem, asked lots of questions and then proposed three “focus areas” where we might be able to change our approach. I’ll be honest, I was perhaps a bit skeptical, but these simple changes have had quite a dramatic impact. Many of the problems and issues we were having have stopped. Very impressive.

Having access to a service like this really helps. Working and parenting is hard and tiring! And the reality is that if things aren’t going so well at home, it has a negative impact at work. So having help and support to maintain a positive home life has big benefits when it comes to performance at work.’

7.5.2021

‘Practical and clear advise delivered well and with consideration for the information shared.’

5.5.2021

Thank you again Lena,

I really appreciate you listening and sharing advice to help ensure —— feels in control and independent at home and is less frustrated with her day to day routines. I’m looking forward to sharing your advice with my husband and implementing the recommendations over the coming weeks.

Thanks again

5.5.2021

‘Lena was amazing and helped with so much more than asked of at the beginning , all her tips are helping so much already can’t thank her enough 🙂

This service Is amazing and has helped so much with certain issues

Which helps me be more positive generally to be more productive with work and mum work juggle.’

2.5.2021

‘Very understanding great discussion and follow up email received which was very useful.

Insight into issues with school appeal.’

27.4.2021

‘I had en excellent consultant – Lena – who really helped me and I am following their recommendations.

My daughter started nursery and I was told that many babies have been taking a longer period to settle as they term them “covid” babies. I was told that one baby took 4 months! I was also not very happy with the support from the nursery in terms of informing / advising how the settling-in process is and my head was spinning as I am due to return to work in 3 weeks! I was panicking and was considering a nanny as well as additional childcare. I was strongly advised by the consultant not to mix the the two, and stick with the nursery! The consultant equipped me with how to politely put pressure on the nursery and not feel weak. I feel like I am back in control and will follow all of her recommendations. She also sent me a follow-up email immediately which was extremely helpful. I would recommend to any colleague new to the childcare works to speak to the consultant!’

27.4.2021

‘Lena Engel was great, she understood our family dynamics 15mins and we spent 45mins how to improve the family situation.

i have already recommended the service to my colleagues.’

6.4.2021

‘Lena put me at ease and gave me useful tips that I will start to implement in my parenting. She also confirmed that some things I was already doing is good. And gave helpful insights on how to do improve the parenting strategies I had already in place.

Thank you for helping defuse this stressful situation.’

1.4.2021

‘I just wanted to thank Lena for giving me some real life, helpful suggestions that I haven’t come across before. I feel confident to try them and reach out for further support if I need to.

I have already shared this with colleagues as I feel that parents don’t always have a lot of options to speak to anyone in this way unless it’s to a GP and don’t always want the formality of that.’

17.3.2021

‘We were really impressed with the service. The flexibility to speak in the evenings made this really easy to use. The consultant was excellent and so helpful. We got so much more support than we imagined we were going to get from the service. Thank you

Being able to access this service was such a valuable benefit to us. Balancing work and family life is always delicate and sometimes difficult to get right. Having concerns about your child can be really detrimental to this and being able to get support at a convenient time to us has taken away a lot of worries. The information we received is something which would have taken us a lot of time to research or we would have had to wait a long time for the advice through other channels such as the NHS or in our specific case private speech therapists or occupational therapists.’

17.3.2021

If you would like to contact Lena for one-on-one advice for children aged 0 – 19 years, please email her on [email protected]